The script is put together pretty well. It flows better after the recommendations regarding your 5 points. However there are times in which your points aren't fully supported in your sound bites. Your first point is supposed to be about how paniolos and ranchers were similar yet very different. Both tended to cattle, yes, but I want to know more about what else they did. You did have someone say that they had other responsibilities like fence management, but this is where you really needed to fill me in on what makes them unique. What makes them special? If you don't strongly make this point, then I won't see the need to pass down this info from generation to generation. I need more support in this first point. Point two is more about how it's passed down but you also throw in in your VO that they want to revive the culture. However your sound bites fail to show how or why they want to revive the culture. Your TIAS mentioned that technology had a negative effect in the need for a rancher or paniolo but in this story, none of that is talked about. Why should this way of life continue when it's so hard and dangerous? Your points about that also don't tell us much. Yes, they explain why it's hard and difficult to do but despite that, why do they feel this is something that needs to be passed down? What have they learned as a result of this way of life? I think that's what's missing from this story. You do a decent job of telling us about the paniolo way of life (it should have more info) but nothing about why they want to revive or keep this culture alive. Basically your points need more support.
Because of this I'm giving your script a 3.5 or a B. It's good but could be much better.
Write something about yourself. No need to be fancy, just an overview.