2nd Quarter Project Draft #1

12/17/2015

Mr. M

1/10/2016 05:03:25 pm

Technically, this is done very well. Shots are solid, interviews are done well, and your audio is good. However there are no video sequences used in your b-roll. B-roll is more than just shots that go with what is being said. They should be deliberately planned. When you're out filming, you need to look at a situation and then shoot multiple shots of the same thing, getting wides, mediums, closeups and even extreme closeups if possible. Use cut-ins and cut-aways in your editing to make your shots flow. Right now they are all just a jumble of different shots. For example, in showing a shot of a paniolo on his/her horse, get a wide shot first, then zoom in for a medium, and then choose one thing to focus on for your closeup. These are all of the same thing. Then when you edit, you assemble those shots into a sequence which will help your story flow. You need to think like an editor when you're out filming. Your shots are solid (except for Coralyn's interview which was crooked). Now you need to work on sequencing. This story also needed some help from you to tell the story. If the interviews don't give you all the info you need then that's where your research on the topic comes in to provide that info in a VO. This story needed more info on the history of the paniolo. The point about how the tradition can continue is also not very supported. They seem like they've learned from their parents and now they are doing the same with their own children? I'd love to hear more about how these paniolos learned about ranching from their parents/mentors/family. It was never mentioned how they learned. Supporting a keiki rodeo is fine but to really learn about something, you really need to get your hands dirty and do the jobs and learn that way, don't you think?

Overall this is a nice story that needed more work to help it along. I think it's a great story to tell but more work is needed to make this a strong story to get behind of and learn from. Technically, you both did a great job with the shots, audio, and editing. The story is what needs some help. I'm giving this a 3.5 or a B+.

2nd Quarter Project Draft #1

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