This story was done by Ben and his partner either last year or the year before. To compare it to theirs, I think you guys did a better job in trying to tell the story. Your interviews are terrific! They are well lighted, subjects are in the right spots, and your backgrounds are gorgeous. However your b-roll isn't as much. It looked like you reused a shot or two and you really have a lot of shots of just the mud. That opening shot of the women working was great but I didn't really see them again. I would have loved to see them working further down in the story. I think your b-roll also doesn't match in certain places. In the beginning, you mention how the river flows into the fishpond but you don't show us any video of the fishpond and so we're left to wonder what it looks like. Remember that you have to think like your viewer does not know anything about this area. If this makes it to Hiki No, many people around the state won't know what you're talking about and so you have to show them. Also, the part about the canoes is another section where the b-roll could be better. I want to see the river being tightened up by the mangrove. I also want to see what the mangrove looks like up close. All you show me are little branches. I want you to get up close with it. Did you think about trying to get on a boat and actually go down the river and film to really show how bad this is? I'm sure that even if you don't have access to a boat, maybe someone that your dad knows does. Think about how awesome that could be? You have to think big here and not be bound by "I can't." If there's a will, there is a way. I think you also rely on too much of those shots of mud. What has this group cleared out so far? Are there any photos that you could have asked for that could show how much progress they've made? As for your story, your script needs more work as well. The part about the profit needs to be changed. That just does not sound right. And your ending needs work as well because they aren't doing it for the aloha spirit. They are doing it to take care of the land, to try to fight back against this invasive species. Is there a way for the public to get involved to help this group out? Can you share a phone number to call if people want to volunteer? There is so much more you can do in this story. Let's try to make this better if possible. It may mean having to go out and shoot more b-roll.
For this quarter's project, my partner Dalson and I are doing it on the invasive plant, the red mangrove, which has caused problems. Check out this page for any updates I post.